If I Told You I Loved You, Would You Love Me Back?
by CaeruleaTigris
Summary: As Sirius falls through the veil he realizes his not-so-familial feelings towards his godson, Harry Potter. Is this the end of something that never began, or is there love after supposed death?
1. Prologue

Sirius Black had been in a lot of things in his life: Azkaban, debt, lust and familial love, just to name a few. But in his whole life, even before he was sent to Azkaban, he had never been in true, romantic love. Sure he'd had a few crushes every now and then, and he really thought he'd loved Marlene McKinnon, but after having to live with his happy memories being sucked out for 12 years, any spark that they might have had had long ago died.

And when he was finally freed from Azkaban he knew it would be a long time before his mind was cured of the hell that it had been put through, even with the help of mind healers if he could afford them.

For once in his life Sirius just wanted to live without fear.

When he'd been at Hogwarts that fear had been his parents. The Blacks were dangerous, and Sirius, being a Black himself, was one of the very few people who knew just how saturated their blood was with magic so dark it had turned many of his ancestors insane.

When he'd finished Hogwarts it had been Voldemort. He'd chosen to fight against the monster alongside his best friends, sure, but if his grandfather's stories of young Tom Riddle were true then his fear of the crazy bastard was completely logical.

When Voldemort had been smited by an infant Harry Potter, it wasn't so much a fear of someone and more of a fear of some_thing_. Fear itself. If he hadn't been the one experiencing it, it might have been poetic.

And when he'd finally escaped from hell - because that is what Sirius was convinced Azkaban really was - and finally told his godson the truth, it had been the fear of being caught by the Ministry, who would then sent him back to prison. He'd barely escaped with his remaining sanity, there was no way he'd be given the chance to escape a second time.

But he'd found safety and a weird, unconventional family in his godson, Harry Potter. The boy was so similar to his parents it was easy to feel as if he'd known him for years, but at the same time he was so different. All the troubles he had faced in his short life had shaped him into a man.

Perhaps that is the reason why Sirius didn't realize what he was feeling at first.

It started with the urge to write him more and more often, even if the boy didn't have time to reply to all his letters separately. When Harry arrived at Grimmuald this turned into lingering glances in the boy's direction and a desperate need to be around him at all possible times. But despite all these and several other signals Sirius was still hopelessly oblivious to his own feelings.

It wasn't until he was in the Department of Mysteries, being blown into the veil by his bastard of a cousin that he realized. Sirius didn't just love Harry, he was _in _love with him.


	2. Chapter 1

Harry ducked as an unknown but probably nasty spell narrowly missed his head. It was times like this when Harry felt the full force of his Gryffindor impulsivity, and one of the few times he actually regretted it. This whole situation was Harry's fault.

Harry dodged yet another spell sent his way before firing back a few of his own. Out of the corner of his eye Harry could see Sirius dueling with his cousin, Bellatrix. Slowly, still fighting with anyone who sent an offensive spell his way, Harry moved towards his godfather. He knew Sirius could hold his own against Bellatrix but after fearing for his safety for so long Harry wanted to make sure the man wasn't harmed in any way.

Harry sent a few offensive spells the witch's way while occasionally protecting himself with shield spells and minor curses. Sirius himself looked to be having the time of his life, casting several spells at his cousin that Harry knew were meant to maim or seriously injure.

Harry could feel himself growing more and more tired as the battle continued. Bellatrix, meanwhile, reminded Harry of a child on a sugar rush. Or a very sadistic psychopath high on an adrenaline high.

Sirius' sudden falter was unpredicted. A shock to both Harry and the man himself and an invaluable advantage to Bellatrix, who took the opportunity to cast a bright red spell at her opponent. The spell hit it's target directly, sending the man staggering backwards towards the archway whose presence dominated the large room.

Harry felt himself hold his breath, a look of horror on his face and his hand stretched outwards towards his falling godfather. In the background Harry could sense multiple duels halt. Witches and wizards, friends and foes noticed what was happening and stopped to watch with varying degrees of either horror or glee.

Harry didn't care. He was watching his last remaining family die in front of him. His godfather was going to fall through the thin veil that separated the living from the dead and there was nothing Harry could do to stop it. Harry barely heard himself yelling the man's name through his haze of panic and terror.

It was only when Sirius fell, arching gracefully through the smoke-like veil that Harry felt he could move his body once again. Harry moved swiftly towards the giant arc intending to do... something only to feel himself being held back by two inhumanly strong arms.

Harry twisted his head back to look pleadingly into the sorrowful amber eyes of the person restraining him.

"_Please._" Harry half-yelled, half-wisped with a desperate, wild look in his eye. He would not let another person slip through his fingers, definitely not his last proper family. He couldn't, not when it was his fault.

Another person was there, gently easing Remus' arms from where they were locked in a tight grip around his torso. Harry only had enough patience to send the person - Luna, his mind vaguely registered – a grateful glance before he practically threw himself through the archway, permanently severing any ties he had too the living and their world.

The last sounds Harry heard before everything went black were manic cackling, female sobbing and Remus' low whisper of "But he's already _gone_."


	3. Chapter 2

Harry groaned as he slowly woke. His head was pounding like he'd been in a fist fight with a giant and wherever he was was too damn bright.

A groan coming from beside him urged him further into consciousness and he turned onto his side in an attempt to block out some of the light. Instead, all he got was his glasses digging painfully into the side of his face.

He forced himself to slowly blink his eyes open, his pupils sluggishly adjusting to the brightness and revealing the sight of Sirius Black lying beside him on the hard ground. The sight of his godfather, passed out but breathing, next to him released a flood of memories and emotions so intense all Harry found he could do for several minutes was cling to the man's body and sob in relief.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Harry realised the consequences of his actions, his new status as deceased, but Harry was too happy to care. He had his godfather, his last family, the man who had quickly become one of his best friends, back and that was all that mattered.

When he came to his senses Harry noticed Sirius' wand a few feet away and upon further inspection was relived to find his own wand was also sitting quite close to where he'd been lying. He gripped its familiar handle and smiled when a rush of magic flowed down his arm and into his body, as if his wand was greeting him after a long period of disuse. He couldn't even be sure if his magic would work properly in this place if it really was the afterlife.

_Well,_ Harry thought, _no better time than the present_. Harry aimed his wand at Sirius. "_Enervate._"

Harry started to grow disappointed when after a minute the spell had still had no effect on the peacefully sleeping body lying in front of him. Harry huffed in frustration and sat back. What good would having a wand in the afterlife if he couldn't use it?

Harry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, concentrated on what he wanted the spell to do and tried again. "**_Enervate._**"

This time the spell was so effective that Harry had to leap backwards to avoid being head butted by the now very awake Sirius Black. Harry grinned at his godfather who was by then looking reasonably shocked to find his godson with him in what he was fairly certain was the afterlife.

"Harry," Sirius started, "Why are you-" Harry cut Sirius off by leaping at him, tackling him back down to the ground with what could have been called a hug.

"I thought I'd lost you." Harry whispered after a moment. Sirius sighed and hugged back.

"Harry," he tried again, "Where are we?" Harry pulled back and looked around in confusion.

"I don't know. Somewhere in the afterlife, I guess." Harry stood, offering his hand to Sirius to help him do the same.

"Then why are you here? Did you get cursed?" Harry shook his head looking distinctly nervous. Once again his actions were catching up to him. He didn't regret his decision for a second but he hesitated to tell his godfather, not knowing how the man would react to Harry basically committing suicide for him.

"Tell me, Harry." Sirius demanded softly. Harry looked down, the ground was looking a whole lot more interesting all of a sudden.

"I followed you through the veil." Harry looked up into the older man's eyes, trying to convey some of the emotions that he'd been feeling.

"Harry…" Sirius was at a loss for words. What did someone say in a situation like this? "Why?"

"You're my family. The last of my family. I love Ron and Hermione but they have their own families, you're all I've got." Sirius could see Harry's eyes were damp with tears, mirroring his own eyes. Sirius gathered Harry into his arms and buried his face into the boy's neck, inhaling his scent, as Harry sobbed into his chest for the second time. Both of them just happy to be together.

Luna used to think it a pain that she was so different from others, it made it terribly difficult to make friends. That's why she found it such a comfort to be around creatures like thestrals. They understood what it was like to be different in such a conformist society. Both Luna and her Pegasus-like friends had been born different and neither were ashamed.

Harry Potter tended to remind Luna of thestrals. It was easy to see the similarities if one only looked past Harry's Boy-Who-Lived façade. Both were creatures of darkness. Both could only be seen by someone who had personally experienced death.

Luna had gotten quite a lot of hate from people once the shock had worn off. She was the one who had let their only hope at survival die! For most of these people all she felt was pity. Pity that someone could be so blind as to think that an inexperienced teenager could do what fully trained warriors could not and defeat a man thrice his age with ten times the spell knowledge.

Even she did not fully know why she had helped Harry escape from Remus hold. Her only reason was intuition. An intuition that perhaps the afterlife would serve Harry better than the one he had been living. It wasn't like she had missed how beloved Sirius was to Harry and vice versa. They could find happiness together if they persisted, Luna was sure.

Perhaps there was some truth to her mother's tales of seer blood flowing through the Lovegood family's veins.

Harry and Sirius stayed exactly as they were for more than an hour. They only pulled away from each other at an unexpected cough coming from somewhere else in the room. A creature stood a few metres away looking uncomfortable at the display of earthly affection.

The thing would look completely human if not for the two large, twisted horns originating from the side of its head and its bright purple eyes.

It observed the two wizards carefully, making them squirm slightly under the unwavering, unblinking gaze. Sirius opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when the creature spoke first.

"I see you are already aware of your new status. Please follow me." The creature turned gracefully and glided over to and through the wall. It seemed wizards were not the only ones to have figured that little trick out. Harry and Sirius scrambled to their feet feeling a rather urgent need to get out of the cramped, claustrophobic room. Harry flinched as he walked through the wall, unpleasant memories of his second year coming to mind.

They appeared in a narrow stone hallway. Their eyes strained to see in the poor light, the only illumination coming from small torches attached to the walls at irregular intervals. The creature, however, seemed to have no problem. His stride was fast, confident in the direction they were heading.

"Normal souls would be immediately transported to the sorting hall when they depart from their bodies. Imagine our surprise when we sensed two unsorted souls hiding away deep in the depths of the dungeons." The thing paused and walked through another wall. When the two wizards followed him he continued his one-sided conversation.

"The king wishes to meet you. Things like this have happened a few times before but these are even more unusual circumstances.

They walked in silence through more long, twisting and turning passageways until, finally, they came to an actual door. Through the door they went, into an intricately decorated waiting room. The chairs were a golden colour with plush purple seats, a small table in the centre of the room held two very dead looking roses in a glass vase.

"Please sit. His majesty will receive you in just a moment." The creature left through a pair of ornately carved doors into what the two wizards could only guess was the way to wherever this "King" was.

"Sirius, what's going to happen?" Harry's voice shook with nervousness for once showing the young boy inside of him that was never previously able to be expressed. Sirius shook his head and grasped Harry's hand tightly in his own. There was nothing to say. Harry squeezed his hand once more and closed his eyes as he leant back on the comfortable chairs in a struggle to relax.

"The king will see you now."


End file.
